Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
