you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
