well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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