Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This is my gift to your gina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
