Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize