What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
