Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
