Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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