Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
