Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize