Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
