Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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