Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
