So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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