dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just cropdusted the office
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
