The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i will never coherently bang her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
