Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dignity is for republicans.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
