Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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