Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
