i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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