fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
