Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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