Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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