How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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