did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
