then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
