okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
did i walk over a car last night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize