sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
