I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
