I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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