M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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