you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nutella sex= disaster
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
