Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
