I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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