party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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