I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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