If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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