It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
