why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
