So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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