I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
