then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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