Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A bitchslap is in order.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
