I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
