When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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