i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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