i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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