Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
