my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
