I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
