Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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