Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
kristin has been a bad kristin
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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