pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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