I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
