How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
