even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
