Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
