I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
