you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
