Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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