Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
