What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I pour the whiskey from now on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
