im drinking this country out of the recession.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
