he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
