gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
