Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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