Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
