Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize