I'm jealous of your bromance
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
