I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
