took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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