But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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