His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
