I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
