A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Alive.
So much puke
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
