I'm eating all of the evidence.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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