Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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