if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
