I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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