great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
