someone threw a dead crab at me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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