Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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