You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
