evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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