I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
