I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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