I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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