i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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