just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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