pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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