You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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