Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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