Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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