Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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