Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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