i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize